Musings by Kamal Kumar

Dear Nani,
 
The day before yesterday, I couldn’t recognize your voice over telephone. I am feeling sorry for that. more than that I am ashamed to myself. Hope you are doing well there and you are living whatever meant by happily". Its not the fact that I only miss you when festivals like Dashain* and Tihar* occurs. But it is when I miss you profoundly. The 15 days of Dashain has already started, and I am not sure which day is today. I think the main day of the festival is coming within days. Once upon a time, I used to enjoy all days of the festival. You used to be with us and the whole family used to be together. Nowadays, festivals don’t matter to me. They do not add any charisma into my life. Festivals come. Festivals go. Kathmandu is reeling with varieties of weather. Yesterday it was raining. Now I am seeing a sunny day through the window of my room. Birds and kites are competing to fly higher. The only difference is that, kite is connected to thread and birds are totally free. The Fulchoki Mountain is covered with clouds and that have scattered all over the sky. I am seeing bunches of flowers blowing with the wind, at the top stairs of the next building, as if the flowers are ready to jump out of the roof. Not a less beautiful canvas of nature, than of Leo Nardo Da Vinci and Pablo Picasso.

You know my office is near to the airport. I see a plane every single minute. They come they go. Like festivals. They matter to their stakeholders only. I remember, one day you were drained to that land, with full of dreams. The then aeroplane mattered to me. The height mattered to you too. I was stopped by the security guard in the airport. I returned home and waved my hand to the plance, that was carrying you with your dreams. I don’t know how much your dreams have come true. But they should come true. I know you think big and you think smart. I have a big salute to all planes that are never tired of carrying the dreams.

I am affected with flu since last two days. Still I am coming to office, coz I have to. Today I have closed the slider of the window. So, I am not feeling the gentle breeze that is saying good bye to summer. You know my table in office faces the south. I mean to the direction of our home. You know mom is alone in home. Man is the only animal in this universe that feels solitude. Our little Sanu has also joined me into the life of monotony. I welcomed him into the jungle of concrete, wishing him all the best so that he will not be lost here.

urs

thule

There were five stars, today in my horoscope, but I am passing through unnecessary hurdles. I was willing to share launch with Maria. I called her but she was not interested. I hanged the phone up, so rudely. I will not call her. Now it’s her turn to say sorry.

Minutes later, Kitty called me. She is my college-mate. She wanted to meet me to do some college projects. I said ok. But I am not interested to meet her. She is damn ugly. Honestly I don’t like her, But in college I am used to spend most of the time with her. I think, I will switch my phone off, to discard her call. She said she will call me to fix the venue.

Lots of thinking is unfurling inside the mind. I want to put them into words, to publish in the same diary of gentleman. I tried to open the browser, but the connection is not active. I wonder what all the IT staffs in my office are for.

Blogger Beta home page has been hardly opened, but when tried to sign in, same error message, "cannot find server" yada-yada.

I am trying to pull the time through windows live messenger. But long numeric error code stopped me. Now I am trying with windows messenger, the old one. Still cant, sign in.

Everybody knows I am software fanatic. Since last two or more weeks I have spent most of my free times, searching the cracks for windows XP. I am frustrated with the windows validation process when I try to install windows defender, Internet Explorer 7 or windows media player 11. Bill Gates has closed the gate for non-genuine copies of windows XP. He should have provided ‘pass’ for some of poorest people in the world. I spend most of my cyberaction in the PC of my work. My work place is one of the most prominent and richest in my country. But I have not seen a single computer with genuine windows OS.

Back Gears!!!

Dear Bill Gates,

I dont expect my letter to be a blow to microsoft and your personal dreams upon it. I believe you respect the freedom of expression as I do. I dont think that you know me by my name. But you could know me if you had shared any of your coffee-break with one of your technical staff of customer service officer in Microsoft. I belive your technical staff has told you about a guy from Nepal, who frequently sends the error reports, feedbacks and bunches of bugs to your digital box. I am not writing you to suggest a new idea of challenging your rival Apple nor I am writing to draft a missionary project in Kenya. Thats your job, you can simultaneously fight with malaria and your digital rivals. I am not much interested to that things. Today I am writing just to let you know that, I have decided to discard all services by microsoft and enter a new user space of another digital giant. The first execution of my declaration begins with Msn Space. (I regret I should have started with hotmail). I was using the msn space since its launch. I was always sympathic to your slow service and cheap ideas of people scattered there. I also spent some of my beautiful moments with the msn space. Days ago I came with a new idea to start another blogging, kind of intellectual in words and ideas. Before choosing a blog site to publish my ideas, I had thought deep as if I had decide to by a personal jet or to get married with a blonde. After cylcles of frequency inside my mind, I decided not to continue with msn space. And I entered this world. The only reason behind my decision was the dissatisfaction over the services by microsoft. And I really hated the idea that you are introducing windows Live space by the end of this summer. What I fear is that, the new idea could spoil the intellectuality and gentleness of the current trend in msn space. Dear Bill Gates, as a antagonic-well-wisher of your company, I never suggest you to launch the ‘live’ idea in the msn space. As I read some promotional words of windows live space, I really didn’t like the way. It was sounding more romantic, as if windows live space will be a dating and matchmaking site. So let it be a pure and mere blog.

Dear gates, Let me tell something about your hotmail and messenger service. You know why I am writing letter to you, because I am not signed into windows live messenger. I am tired of sending the error messeges and troubleshooting with frustrating error codes. So I am free and using my time. At first I want to suggest you to shorten the length of error code. well that may not sound productive for it. …. ok Gates, will catch you later, I gotta go to a meeting with Michael Sam. I hope we will discuss your issues. ohhh, I forgot to congratulate you for being Person of the Year by the Time magazine. But my sceptive eyes fear that, Time magazine is hoping your grace. never mind. all the best for the strength of Gates and Melinda Foundation. As a part of this planet earth and as my land where I stand and the land where you stay share the same sky, the charity foundation matters to me. Nothing else. By the moment I declare the termination of my relation with any of microsoft products. I will not buy "zune" music system next year, and for your kind information I have already uninstalled windows operating system from my computer. I have removed the game "Halo" before completeing all the levels. I will certainly not buy the Halo 3, that is to be released in 2007. I have also sold my x-box to a secondhand shop. Now I am using a opensource OS, Nowdays I play games like paceman and hangman. Windows media player was never beloved to me, nowdays I am tuned to local radio station in a radio which is "made in china" not in USA.

fatefully,

Kathmandu, Nepal

Dear miss Invisilia,

i am wondering about the question mentioned above, previously i had talked top you about the color of dream, size of dream, dimensions of dream and all the possible attributes, in the period of time i am again the victim of self prisoner, i know what is good, i know what ios bad, but i fear i dont have much knowledge about the execution of bad or good things on a proper time, thats why the my frequecy of getting deceived by time, dreams and people around me can be measured in UHF (ultra high frequency),  days ago I talked with Eminem about all these things, he was surprised to listen my feelings as he found that similar to him….

sometimes, transformation around me give a alternate shock, the latest example is Mr Albert, I knew albert 4 years ago in University, the intimacy has been developed like anything… you know 10 years ago Albert was a culprit in Dhaka University and he was dismissed from his college, but the strong man learned the reality life himself and now he is a very good man, with a family and children…. years ago he was wildly searching for hamps in the concrete jungle of dhaka or inside the dark lane of Ason, nowdays he is found searching for fresh fruits for his wife and toys for his children in the market…. If i knew nothing beyond the border of my country MR Albert would be the Ideal persona for me after Bill Gates, George W BUsh and Kofi Annan and other evergreen leaders,

IF ONLY THE GREATESS OF HUMAN IS MEASURED ON THE BASIS OF HIS/HER DREAMS, I BET I WOULD BE THE GFREATEST PERSON EVER BORN……………….

{THE DREAM SERIES}

Dear Lady Beetle,

Please give me back those letters, that I gave you three years ago. Its been long time that we started being the victim of communication gap. I have forgotten so many of my other friends, who used to mess up with me three years ago. But you are the exceptoin. I could have forgotten you too. But I could not forget my letters that I gave to you. you know dear LB (Lady Beetle), i miss those letters more than you. In my life time i have rarely written letters. But it was the first of time and it was the last of time and obviously it was the best of time. I remember, 3 years ago, while giving those letters to you how terribely my hands were tremerring. Well, i have not forgotten the day, I have not forgotten the moments, I remeber the moments shared with you. My novice heart used to think, that would last forever, I used to think we would always keep on holding eachother’s hand and singing and dancing. But u know LB, god had never promised flower strewn path ahead, he had never promised sun without rain and he had never promised peace without pain. The greatest part of the human conscience is to collect courage to face the sunshine again.

Dear lady beetle, there was a gap of three days between the first paragraph and this one. Sometimes i feel pitty to myself for being the victim of time itself, and being a self prisioner. I wish i could do whatever i like, but things are not easily decodable.

Albert had called me hours ago. He still asks about you to tease me though i have already told him about everything between you and me. Dear lady beetle, finally everything turned towards the way we didn’t expected. happiness that used to ooze from our togetherness turned us apart forver. Do you know lady beetle,  we tried to touch the cloud in the horizon, and it was the same horizon through which all the dreams dissolved. Sometimes i wonder about the height of the dream, size of the dream, color of the dream and obviously frequency of the dream. I breath dream,i sleep dream, i see dream and i dream of dream.

Once upon a time, i used to dream of flying like a birds. The maturiry and the complexity over the cosmic movement taught me to dream of future and career. Years of my life, I shared my dreams with my family,my mom dad, brother and sister(i still share), the bandwidth of the dream kept on changing. And on a beautiful day, all da dreams of my life stopped at your eyes. Not only my dreams my heart, my love my passion everything stopped at that junction. I believed the then, that I was also a part of your dreams, but on another horrible day, you caught your way to Manhutton and I caught my way to California. Since then our dreams have never met eachother. Sometimes i send my cares to the wind, but the storm from Mexico Golf engulfs that wind….

thats all for now

cherrs!